Cowasjee

Cowasjee movie text

[On how Cowasjee feels living in Pakistan.]

Let me tell you about two Parsi friends.
They were in the wine trade.
Then came Pakistan. 
And Rustom said, Let’s have whisky.  You bring yours, and I'll bring mine.
We will finish two bottles today.
At the end of the dinner they finished their bottles
Then one said, We are damn fools.
Fourteen hundred years ago we were thrown by these MFs, and now we are caught again.
It is not a story.
We ran away 1400 years ago from these MFs, Chs, MCs, and then we are caught again.
Yes, yes, difference of 1400 years.
Like what?
Who worries about the language?
There was a time when Jews were made to wear yellow badges.
I'll show you a picture of the Parsi community of Iran.  All wearing yellow medals.

It was done to the Parsis, Anybody who is not a Musalman, pay the jazia tax or whatever, and he will be wearing a yellow badge.  So these chaps got together and said, If instead of wearing a round thing, we make it look like a medal, and wear it as an insignia, these Chs will be happy, and we will be able to live.

That's what they did.

They are all wearing yellow medals.

(In Urdu) Ask us to put red, and we will put red.

The thing to do is to survive.

What am I?  Trying to change them?  I am trying to survive this lot.

We had the largest empire. Cyrus had the largest empire.

He was a generous man.

But then he had something here.

Persepolis

He had something here.

I don’t want an empire.

People come and tell me, Parsi race is getting extinct. Yes, So?

Parsis are getting extinct.

They will disappear from the face of the earth. Yeah. So?

What’s your problem?

You know these guys who write PhD thesis.  They say, You are finishing.

Yes, So?

In Pakistan there are 2000 (Parsis).

This guy came from Multan. Visiting me.  He runs the Cancer Society there.  Because of his name and he is a Parsi, people (trust him and) give money.

I gave him money.  I said, how many (Paris) are left now (in Multan)?  He said, Just one.

I can worship in my shower.  I can worship sitting on the pot.

I don’t believe in temples.  I mean, all these gurus and priests.

Who said you cannot pray sitting on the pot?

How does your sitting on the pot make you impure?

You are still you.

I say ’thank you’ every night.  That’s all.

When I go up I say goodbye to all these buggers (pointing to the statues of his ancestors).  Thank you.

[On Pakistan’s direction.]

Do I look worried?

[Telling me why living in the US, Pakistan-Americans should not worry about Pakistan.]

My son is in America.  He is an architect.  He said, “I would like to start my life here" when he finished his architecture at Cornell and then he went to Harvard. He is a Harvard graduate.  Did his masters.  Master of (unintelligible) design.  Then for five years he was with I.M. Pei.  He said, “Why would I come to Karachi?”  He says, “I would like to (unintelligible).”  I said, “Go, do.”  He was sharp enough, I mean good enough for I.M. Pei to say, “Join us.” Joining I.M. Pei, you know who I.M. Pei is?  American architect, of Chinese descent.   He sent my son to China.  He stayed there forever. (unintelligible)  (unintelligible) 

Business was gone.  This MC called Bhutto, he nationalized shipping.

Business is carrying on. (unintelligible) 

It is still running (unintelligible), partners.  My brothers are there, my daughter is there.  When it will die it will die. 

It ran for five generations.  It cannot go on forever.

[On telling him that some are upset on his support of Musharraf.]

Why?

If you are a better person than the bloody lot I see, I…

System?  You think we have democracy?  I mean these guys are running a democracy?

Is this a democracy?

NO, these chaps, MQM fellows.

PPP, thieves?

Nawaz Sharif, thief?

Chaudhry (Shujaat Hussain), thief?

Mullah, MC.

So, who should one choose?

I said he (Musharraf) is the best of the worst lot, I say that way.

One can say (unintelligible) 

Am I a supporter of Musharraf?  Yes.

Yes, yes. (unintelligible) 

All I want is good governance.

In Urdu,

Be it the garbage collector, the cobbler, or MC thief, or whoever.  All I want is peace.

(unintelligible)  democracy all these years.  Up till Jinnah

[On asking him if there is any hope.]

(You keep asking me if) There is hope, there is hope.  I say ‘No.’  And why do you waste the film?

You will get nowhere.  You follow?  So keep the subject off.

Why are you wasting your time, my time, and the bloody film.

(You keep repeating) Why did you say this, why did you say this?

I just look at what’s available.  And choose the best I think.

What has been the American policy?

It is to follow what George Washington said.  That you can’t have permanent friends or permanent enemies. (unintelligible) 

They have not shifted from their original policy.

Who was Washington?  General.   Who was Eisenhower?  A general.   Who was MacArthur?  A general.

Some were not, some were.

The fact that they were generals does not disqualify them.

(unintelligible)  come up (unintelligible)  MacArthur.

If there had been another bloody general the (unintelligible) 

No.

[On what is his opinion of Imran Khan.]

Who?  Imran Khan?

Good f****er.

Good Cricketer.

He has lots of ideas.

That’s his (Hoodbhoy’s) opinion.

No.

He (Musharraf) is the best of the worst lot.   I have written that he is the best of the worst lot.

It is like saying if there are many CHs then he is the best CH.

Best of the five that I see.

You like Altaf Hussain?

You like Benazir?

You like Asif?

You like Mulla?

Mullas (unintelligible)  we are afraid (of them)

Scary, man!

[On Zil e Huma’s murder.]

Why (unintelligible)  poor woman (unintelligible) 

Beautiful woman, at the prime of her life.

The bugger did not feel like appreciating (unintelligible) 

Why is he alive today?

He should be locked up in seven days, but he won’t be locked up.

[Introducing the visitors who came at that point.]

Zahoor, the artist was married to his sister. 

A man came and shot Zahoor, and his daughter.

This is the mother, his mother, you’ll be mixed up.

You know that bugger is still free.

No, no, no.  He is sentenced to death.

He is on death row.

How many years ago was it?

Seven…Eight, nine years ago.

This bugger will stay on for another seven eight years.  He’ll survive Musharraf.

If you ask me today, Who will die earlier, he or Musharraf?   I’ll say chances are Musharraf will go before him.

This is law and order for you.

[Walking in the garden]

Read the last three lines.

A gentleman.  So. 

You know what this is?

I.T.N.O.T.G.A.O.T.C

See that on top?

You know what it means?

In.The.Name.of.The.Great.Architect.of.The.Universe.

Read it.

Your brother Sir Charles Napier (unintelligible)  conqueror of the (unintelligible) 

Erected the (unintelligible)  right (unintelligible)  brother A. J. Rustomjee.  (unintelligible) 

That was my great grandfather.

(unintelligible)  history of Pakistan.

(unintelligible)  sell the house (unintelligible) 

(unintelligible)  Bhutto had him sodomized—and they held the father and made him watch it.

That was Zulfiqar Ali Bhutto, the great MC.

I have lived comfortably all my life—Do you understand?

Open the door. [In Urdu.]

They have a road which measures that much—that by here—and that by there.

So I said you can’t measure, you can’t (unintelligible) road here.

(unintelligible) I don’t want (unintelligible)

This side.  Yes, look at this side.  Clean.

[Pointing to the French Consulate.]

He does it at the expense of---Government of France.

We would like to see Musharraf alive because in case something happens to Musharraf this MC becomes the president.

You follow?

(unintelligible) Chairman of the Senate.  He was governor then.

I said, I know that.

So, he said Governor has said never mind we will (unintelligible) footpath.

Take the car out. [In Gujarati.]

Come on, I’ll take you somewhere, show you something.

They don’t understand if a bugger wants (unintelligible) shoots (unintelligible)  he might get that (unintelligible) out (unintelligible) save my life.

They in Pakistan rushing

Called Bagh-e-Rustom (Rustom’s Garden)--named after my father.

(unintelligible) This bloody ***** minister as was I ever.  Now will you stop it?

He is trying to (unintelligible).

My drill was that I was going to come last—this Monday, sorry, coming Monday.

He extended the (unintelligible). 

(unintelligible)  fences will be open.

It is finished, Right?   Look at that fence.